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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Amy Baker describes the difference between PA and PAS + what TP should do.

Dr. Amy J.L. Baker speaks about PAS from Amy Baker on Vimeo.

Here are some of the points I thought valid:

  • PA are the strategies or behaviors that 1 parent uses to try to turn a child against the other parent.
  • PAS is the term that describes a child who has succumbed to the pressure, has been manipulated to believe that that other parent is unworthy and should be cut out of his/her life.
  • Vastly understudied area.
  • PA targeted parents want to know - will I ever get my child back, they have rejected me, I haven't seen my child, what is this doing to him/her, what can I do to speed up the process to get them back?
  • Baker says PA targets need to be proactive to stop PA before it gets bad by studying the 17 strategies she has identified. If they see them occurring they must document the incidents and engage a lawyer who recognizes this condition and understands that it can happen.
  • Baker also suggests that parents help protect their children by teaching them critical thinking skills so the kids can't be manipulated.
  • Is it as simple as both parents not speaking pejoratively of the other parent?
  • Not exactly. Baker says these cases are so hopeless that the AP can't stop doing this. They want SO MUCH to punish the other parent and are so convinced they are right that even telling them this behaviour is abuse with major repercussions to their child - they will not stop.
  • So Baker advises teaching the TP how to protect their relationship with their child.
  • Baker found the long-term effects on PAS children were the same as people who were in a cult. Thought reform, emotional manipulation, control of the environment - are the same things cult leaders use.
  • How do "victim parents" deal with a PA? 1) don't take the bait - be empathic with your child "you think I did that? - that must really hurt" - don't run upstairs and get the bank statements to disprove it. Be empathic, safe, loving and available to them - DO NOT fight with your kid about all those accusations, all the time.
  • In a separate interview about the return of Sean Goldman of NJ - an 8yr old boy who was returned to his dad in Dec 2009 after being abducted by his mother to Brazil - Baker also suggests that TP can never "give up" on their children. The damage is that they begin to believe one parent doesn't want them, but even if the say otherwise - they desperately want that parent to fight for the right to be their parent. "Giving up" breaks that faith - and when confronted by the campaign of denigration by the AP, the child can surrender to it.
I recommend watching, or go to Amy Bakers website at www.amyjlbaker.com

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