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Saturday, June 27, 2009

TV Ontario PA Disscussion Panel - Jun 12

An excellent and diverse cross-section panel with Harvey BROWNSTONE - Ontario Family Court Judge, Jeff WILSON - Family Lawyer, Barb FIDLER - Practicing Psychologist/Child Therapist and Amy BAKER - Professional Researcher. Host Steve PAIKIN slalomed through the various questions and guests keeping to topics moving quickly ahead for 37 minutes.

Snippets I found interesting:

  • PA does not include "Realistic Estrangement" - in other words a legitimate reason why a child may not want to be with a parent. The obvious being real physical or sexual abuse (and not just as suggested by the AP or Alienating Parent - it must be objectively proved.)
  • BAKER suggested over 20 "tactics" used by an AP to distance a child from the RP (Rejected Parent) - these were also called PA "Exploits" by FIDLER.
  • BAKER believes that PA of mother/father is 50/50 and that it does NOT only occur in divorce/separation but intact families as well.
  • BROWNSTONE mentioned the difficulty that Judges face in verifying the supposed PA has taken place and suggested that he often finds the parent making the bulk of accusations at fault! Also, he suggests that many parents self-represented.
  • WILSON suggested that PA has become much more prevalent in the last 10 years and has raised the level of animosity in court.
  • BROWNSTONE said the old approach in "High-Conflict" Divorce cases (how they used to refer to PA) was to remove all contact with the "offending" parent - the one who was accused of creating conflict! That is no longer considered the best strategy and may in fact be dangerous.
  • BAKER said it was a Myth that the older the child, the less likely they were susceptible to PA. In fact she suggested the opposite. As these kids become more savvy about the court system, they "step up their campaign". Age has nothing to do with it. If 20 yr olds can become cult members, there is nothing to suggest those younger can't become Alienators of a former parent. Her research indicated that many times, kids "want their bluff to be called by someone" - parents, extended family, courts or lawyers.
  • FIDLER was asked about "deprogramming". How is it done and if it is effective. She said the sooner the intervention the better and it can be very effective in mild cases, where parents are not truly aware of the negative consequences of their behaviours. They teach the parents and children. For the kids it involved "critical thinking" skills, how to consider the good/bad of arguments/positions, reintegration exercises with their alienated kids, video's etc. Often the kids do well in closed sessions away from the AP, but can be seen getting visibly distressed/anxious as they are going to be picked-up by the AP.
  • Whereas FIDLER explained the results for "extreme/severe" cases as "not so good", BAKER disagreed and explained Dr. Richard WARSHUK's "re-education" program as 3-4 days where kids are removed from the AP and spend greater amounts of time reconnecting with the RP, exclusive of the AP. Out of 24 "rescue" cases, 17 were sustainable "successes" in reconnecting child and AP.
  • BAKER suggests that her preferred approach is to counsel ALL children about how to handle these "loyalty conflicts" and mentioned her recent book. (Ed. This seems impractical.) She suggests to empower children with the skills to recognize these problems and tell both their parents that they don't want to be placed in these positions where "they have to choose".
  • WILSON (who represented a mother in a recent high profile case, where her 18yr old son went to court to prevent his two tween brothers being forced into a "deprogramming" camp under Dr. WARSHUK in order to reconnect with his father) reiterated that he believes "it is better to have a meaningful relationship with BOTH parents rather than only one", parental conflict harms kids, where parental dysfunction is severe removal of a child by CAS maybe necessary, every 6mths 1 child is removed from both parents and placed in a "benign environment" - supportive relatives or foster care.
  • BROWNSTONE was asked about Nick BALA's PAS study and said that such cases are increasing and they take up a significant amount of court resources (he in fact feels that too many trivial complaints are being brought to court - holidays, TV shows, homework, bedtimes etc.) When he began, he said he tried very hard to enforce fathers rights but that this approach backfired because the mothers would come back even harder and ended up turning the children against the father! (Ed. This really made me question Brownstone) But, he said that he strongly enforces "contempt of court" against parents who breech his court orders, especially those who alienate their kids. Finally BROWSTONE admitted that dispite feeling too involved in many PA/High Conflict cases that come before him he has not the time to determine if they have EVER been successfully resolved.

Friday, June 26, 2009

When kids get caught in the middle

Here is an interview with a parent who has been alienated from his daughter. I would like to encourage everyone to send the reporter Melanie THOMPSON an email of recognition.


Children of divorce are often forced to choose between mom and dad
By Melanie Thompson, EXAMINER STAFF - June 24, 2009

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The names in this story have been changed in order to protect “Jenny.”)

Ben no longer sees his daughter. He has lost all contact. A separation from his spouse forced their daughter to choose one parent over the other.

Jenny chose her mother.

Ben always had a normal father-daughter relationship with Jenny. After the separation, Jenny remained with her mother but Ben maintained a regular bi-weekly visitation schedule as agreed to by himself and his ex-spouse.

Things were going well. But soon he began to notice changes in Jenny.

HASN’T GIVEN UP HOPE

Now, seven years after the separation, she doesn’t want him near. She doesn’t want to go to his home for visits. She doesn’t want his birthday gifts.

Ben has almost given up all hope for a relationship with his daughter.

Jenny is caught in the middle of a case of parental alienation, which commonly occurs among divorced families.

This condition is described by the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) as a group of verbal and non-verbal behaviours by one or both parents that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well being. Children are manipulated or brainwashed into choosing one parent over the other.

Often, one or both parents will badmouth the other, refuse visitation, and lie, among other aggressive behaviours, which alienates the children and forces them into an unhealthy position of having to choose.

Ben says that is exactly what happened between himself, his ex-spouse and child.

“Her mother re-wrote her history,” Ben says. “Our daughter thinks that I just came into her life in Grade 2, although I’ve been in her life since the day she was born.”

The separation occurred when Jenny was eight years old. Ben and his daughter were closer than ever. But Ben says the bi-weekly visitations began to fall apart when his ex-spouse began to alienate Jenny from him by refusing to allow his visitations.

Lawyers and the court system became involved. A custody battle ensued.

A child psychiatrist was hired to assess Jenny when claims were made by his ex-spouse that Jenny was traumatized and afraid of Ben.

Ben remembered a suggestion his lawyer had made to take videos and photos of his time spent with his daughter to prove they do indeed have a normal relationship.

“I put a video camera up on a shelf at my mother’s…,” Ben says. “It was directed at the couch, and on the video camera it shows Jenny (and I). We come in the door, and she’s laughing and giggling and chasing me with a water pistol. It shows us watching a movie.”

Ben provided this video as evidence. The judge ruled in his favour and ordered that his ex-spouse receive counselling.

Ben says she did not follow the court order, and things have gotten worse since his case was passed on to a new judge.

“I thought, with court orders, people are going to be held accountable for their actions,” says a clearly-frustrated Ben. “But when it came to that, (the judge) just said to her lawyer, ‘Your client simply refused to go.'’ He didn't do anything.”

“I thought all judges were trained in this. That doesn’t appear to be the case.”

ANOTHER CHANCE

Ben hasn’t seen his daughter for almost a year and is awaiting another chance in court to fight for his right to see her.

“They say wait, your child will figure it out when they grow up. But what about all the time in between? All that time is lost.”

Most people aren’t aware of parental alienation until they experience it first-hand. But Ben hopes that by telling his story, more people will recognize parental alienation as a form of child abuse, and maybe other parents won’t have to fight so hard to simply be with their children.

For more information about parental alienation, visit http://www.paawareness.org.

mthompson@edmontonexaminer.com

Monday, June 22, 2009

Suggested Reading List - Collection of PA Titles

I prepared this reading list some time ago, but re-post this link (it is a pdf) for those who wish to share it as a resource.

In case you wish to SUGGEST other titles please click here for an data-entry form. (You will be prompted for Author, Title, ISBN (useful for Chapters/Amazon search), Publisher, year,#pages and Category - among other useful references).

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

June 16 - MP Velacott introduces PMB C-422

Mr. Speaker, I am honoured to be introducing a Private Member’s Bill today which would direct courts in regard to divorce, to make equal shared parenting the presumptive arrangement in the best interests of the child, except in proven cases of abuse or neglect.

Over 10 years ago, a Joint House-Senate committee presented to Parliament a report entitled “For the Sake of the Children.” That report urged Parliament to amend the Divorce Act to make equal shared parenting the normative determination by courts dealing with situations of divorce involving children.

This non-partisan recommendation from that Joint House-Senate was based on compelling research made available to the committee members. Over the past ten years, the best research has continued to demonstrate the far superior outcomes for children, in general, when both parents – mom AND dad – are actively involved in their children's lives, even if the parents divorce or separate.Polling from the past two years demonstrates overwhelming support from Canadians for equal shared parenting.

There is, in fact, slightly more support among women than men for equal parenting. This strong support from almost 80% of Canadians exists across the country, with the strongest regional support coming from Quebec and Atlantic Canada.

Canadians claiming to be Liberal and Bloc supporters, expressed the strongest endorsement for equal shared parenting, at 80.6% among Liberals and 82.9% among Bloc Quebecois supporters. A variety of countries, such as Belgium, Denmark, Norway, Australia, and various U.S. states, have implemented equal parenting, joint custody or shared parenting presumptive legislation, which has resulted in lowered court costs, less conflict and improved social outcomes for the children of divorce.

This bill is one of the most a-political, non-partisan pieces of legislation introduced in this current Parliament. I look forward to strong support for this important piece of legislation from all Members of Parliament who are committed to the best interests of our Canadian children.

Media Release:
Maurice Vellacott, MP
Saskatoon-Wanuskewin
Media Advisory
Equal Shared Parenting Private Member’s Bill Introduced
Date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009; 1 pm
From: Maurice Vellacott, MP (Saskatoon-Wanuskewin)
To: Media
Re. Press conference to announce Equal Shared Parenting Private Member’s Bill
Where: Charles Lynch Press Conference Room 130-S
Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff has written, “These groups demanded that the ‘custody and access’ regime created by the Divorce Act of 1985 be replaced with a ‘shared parent’ regime in which both parents are given equal rights to bring up their children. These are sensible and overdue suggestions, and the fact they are being made shows that men and women are struggling to correct the rights revolution, so that equality works for everyone.”
MP Maurice Vellacott (Saskatoon-Wanuskewin) will be speaking on the introduction Tuesday of Private Member’s Bill C-422, which would direct courts in regard to divorce, to make equal shared parenting the presumptive arrangement in the best interests of the child, except in proven cases of abuse or neglect.
Vellacott will be joined by Quebec MP Stephen Blaney, Liberal MP Raymonde Folco, John Menear, Barrister & Solicitor and Founding Member of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council and by Kristin Titus, Co-President of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council.
Polling from the past two years demonstrates overwhelming support from Canadians for equal shared parenting. There is slightly more support among women than men for equal parenting. This strong support from almost 80% of Canadians exists across the country, with the strongest regional support coming from Quebec and Atlantic Canada. Canadians claiming to be Liberal and Bloc supporters, expressed the strongest endorsement for equal shared parenting, at 80.6% among Liberals and 82.9% among Bloc Quebecois supporters.
Countries, such as Denmark, Belgium and Norway, as well as some U.S. states, have implemented equal parenting, joint custody or shared parenting presumptive legislation, resulting in lower court costs, less conflict and improved social outcomes for the children of divorce.
– 30 –
For further comment, call (613) 992-1966 or (613) 297-2249

Maurice Vellacott, MP
Saskatoon-Wanuskewin
Avis aux médias
Dépôt d’un projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire
sur le partage égal du rôle parental
Date : Mercredi, 17 juin 2009, 13 h
De : Maurice Vellacott, député de Saskatoon-Wanuskewin
À : Médias
Objet : Conférence de presse pour annoncer le projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire
sur le partage égal du rôle parental
Endroit : Salle de conférence de presse Charles Lynch (130-S)
Le chef libéral Michael Ignatieff a écrit que : « Ces groupes ont demandé que le régime des droits de garde et de visite créé par la Loi sur le divorce en 1985 soit remplacé par un régime de partage du rôle parental dans le cadre duquel les deux parents ont tout autant le droit d’élever leurs enfants. Il s’agit de suggestions judicieuses dont la mise en œuvre a trop tardé; leur formulation témoigne de ce que les hommes et les femmes luttent pour corriger la révolution des droits et faire en sorte d’obtenir l’égalité pour tous. »
Maurice Vellacott, député de Saskatoon-Wanuskewin, prendra la parole mardi lors du dépôt du projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire C‑422, qui exigera que les tribunaux, dans les causes de divorce, appliquent systématiquement le principe de partage égal du rôle parental dans l’intérêt de l’enfant, sauf dans les cas avérés de mauvais traitements et de négligence.
À M. Vellacott s’ajouteront le député de Québec Stephen Blaney, la député de Libéral Raymonde Folco, John Menear, avocat et membre fondateur du Conseil canadien pour le rôle parental égal, et Kristin Titus, co-présidente du Conseil canadien pour le rôle parental égal.
Les sondages des deux dernières années confirment que la population canadienne appuie massivement l’égalité du rôle parental, l’appui étant légèrement plus élevé chez les femmes que chez les hommes. Près de 80 % des Canadiens d’un bout à l’autre du pays soutiennent l’idée, l’appui le plus vif se manifestant au Québec et dans les provinces de l’Atlantique. Les plus fervents partisans se réclament du Parti libéral et du Bloc québécois, soit 80,6 % chez les partisans libéraux et 82,9 % chez les partisans bloquistes.
Des pays comme le Danemark, la Belgique et la Norvège, ainsi que certains États des États-Unis, ont mis en œuvre des dispositions législatives privilégiant le rôle parental égal, la garde partagée ou le partage du rôle parental, ce qui a permis de diminuer les frais judiciaires, de réduire les conflits et d’améliorer le sort des enfants du divorce sur le plan social.
– 30 –
Information : (613) 992-1966 ou (613) 297-2249

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

PAAO Pamphlets now in Edmonton Library System

I can now confirm that the (excellent + informative) "PAAO Pamphlets" have been distributed among all 20 branches of the Edmonton Public Library System after having checked around at a few (Central/ Stanley Milner, Old Strathcona and Bonnie Doon branches). Hopefully this will help raise awareness and drive potential supporters toward this blog.

Unfortunately, none chose to post our poster (image to left - which was rather disappointing, as the colour 8x11's took some effort and had our contact information listed) but part of the reason may be there was no specific "dated event". A point to remember for next time (from instructions they seem to only accept event notices 8-3 weeks beforehand).

A member shares some resources

Here are some resources suggested by a very generous and committed parent who has been alienated from her children for almost 8 years. After a very long conversation, she was kind enough to send me some of the resources she feels could help others deal with Parental Alienation (PA).


1) Alternatives to Traditional Family Law.

Many people have not found their experience of our adversarial legal system very satisfying. I believe it is too costly, too biased towards perpetual litigation and rewards dysfunctional behaviour rather than promoting healthy family interactions. That said, sometimes it is necessary.

In recent years, alternatives to just engaging a divorce lawyer have sprung up - collaborative practice. They are usually former family law lawyers, paralegals or family counsellors who have become disenchanted with the existing, traditional practices of the Family Law system. While their hourly rates may be about the same, they can end up costing far less in time, money and distress. In my experience these encounters can de-escalate tense situations and isolate key, contentious issues. Of course they require each party to act in "good faith" to be truly successful, but if these method fail there is nothing stopping one from moving to a more traditional route and retaining a lawyer.


2) Legal References on Parental Alienation (PA)

A meta search of various legal databases on Case Law regarding PA (updated: May 18, 2008), this provides some examples of evolving precedent case law in the United States, Canada, Australia, Britain and Europe.

For Canadian Legal Research, CanLII is indispensable (see thumbnail image above). It is a free database that contains ALL current (and increasingly as historical records become converted) past legal decisions in just about all jurisdictions and branches of the Canadian Justice system. Here is a specific reference to an Alberta Queens Bench Decision released Dec 12, 2004 involving Parental Alienation.

3) Academic Articles and Resources about PA

"Cobwebbed1" links to various resources about PAS compiled by the former "founder of Parental Alienation Behaviour Theory", Dr. Richard GARDNER (now deceased). It appears to be maintained and is linked to Dr. Richard WARSHAK's (author of "Divorce Poison") very useful resources/website.

4) An Alternative Viewpoint

While checking the links above via Google, I found what I will merely characterize as "an alternative viewpoint". This link was not endorsed or provided by our supporter - and let me make it perfectly clear that I do NOT subscribe to it on many levels, but it may be instructive to some and I will leave it at that.


Footnotes:
1) "Cobwebbed" is a term I have run across that describes many of the links that may still exist as abandoned or moribund websites - yet still are excellent resources.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

REAL Women Annual Conference, Edmonton Jun 6

I just found out that *REAL Women Canada is holding their Annual Conference in Edmonton this weekend from Friday June 5 - Saturday June 6! (I am the last to know these things). They have a stellar line-up of speakers including long-standing President Gwendolyn LANDBOLT - a women I have never met but who commands my respect for single-handedly (apparently) holding the organization together for years. That takes guts!

I am trying to get a table for Alberta PAAO display.

* Realistic, Equal, Active and for LIFE!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

CBC Radio "The Current" features Parental Alienation.

Too late I found out that CBC Radio's morning show "The Current" with Anna-Marie TREMONTI had a segment about PAS today, including an interview with Rhonda Pisanello - a strong supporter of Alberta PAAO and leader of KAPAAO - a kids support program initiated by PAAO HQ in Ontario.   Interviewed on the program was Nick Bala, a Prof of Family Law at Queen's University who had presented some of his research into Canadian Cases of PAS to the conference in Toronto in March 2009, as well as Registered Psychologist Mary Korpach from Surrey BC. 

Here is a link to the program (part 3/3) where you can listen to the segment and website:

Parental Alienation

Rhonda Pisarello was eight years old when her parents divorced. Her sisters were seven and one. Rhonda's father was awarded custody of the three girls. And her mother was granted the right to see them a few days each week. A year after the divorce, Rhonda's father remarried. Rhonda is an adult now and she picked up the story from there. We aired a clip.

Rhonda's story has all the hallmarks of what we now call Parental Alienation. The number of court cases that involve Parental Alienation is getting more attention these days but it is not new to our court system.

Nick Bala has just completed the first study of how Canadian courts and judges have handled Parental Alienation over the last 20 years. He's a professor in the Faculty of Law at Queen's University and he was in Kingston, Ontario.