Sunday, May 12, 2013

Daughter becomes aware her Dad has been alienating her

Recently on FaceBook, a teenager - Heather - told her story about how her parents divorce caused her alot of distress.  At first she went back and forth between them - but at one point the court gave Dad primary custody and so her time with Mom was reduced.   Eventually Dad started to create problems that reduced her contact with her Mom even more.

This had a negative effect on Heather - she withdrew from activities she used to enjoy and in her unhappiness she felt more socially vulnerable when at school, which just seemed to make people pick on her more.   It became more of an escape to spend time with her dog and riding her horse.   But she soon began to realized her Dad was creating alot of the tension between her and her Mom.  It got worse and Heather tried to avoid events where they were both present.  Her Dad stood over her when she was on the phone to her Mom and then accused her of lying to him if she didn't tell him what he wanted to hear after returning from visits with her Mom. 

Then Heather started at new High School and made some great friends.  She met a boy but her Dad made that relationship very difficult - plus if she confided anything to her step-mom, she just told her Dad anyways.  On the other end her one night a week with her Mom was not stressful.  They went to the mall and just chatted.  She could forget the unreal accusations from her Dad and gradually Heather got over her reluctance to share things with her Mom.  This didn't help with Dad and her grades suffered.  Dad was mad at that too - and even told her the Court would blame him for her lower marks.   She tried to make things work but she felt her Dad was more and more upset with her and then he ranted at her late til late into the night.

Then her Dad said she had to tell her Mom she "didn't want to see her again EVER".   Heather did what she was told but her Dad didn't prepare her what to say when her Mom started to cry and ask "Why".   Heather realized that was not what she wanted but that her Dad was just using her to hurt her Mom.  The next Court date the judge stopped her Thursday visits with Mom.  She called her Mom from school to arrange a lunch meeting and her Mom said if Heather really did not want to see her - she would leave her alone because she didn't want to fight just to make it worse for Heather.  Then Heather began to worry she would lose her Mom!

Heather felt like she was suffocating at her Dad's place. On her 16th birthday and with her friends help she moved out.  A drama unfolded.

Heather got her Mom back.  She is happy and she is living her life.   Her relationship with her dad is broken - but it is on her terms.  She says she still loves him but that he was aways focused on being angry and fighting with people - someone, anyone - even his own daughter.  She is getting her relationships with that side gradually repaired too. And she has her Mom and a new extended family.  She is happy.

Here is her story and also an Interview on Jill Egizi's Online Radio Show "Family Matters" dated May 8, 2013.

(Update: June 17, 2013 - It has come to my attention that this video has been removed from YouTube - I think we can guess why. Here is private download of 110mb mp4 file.)

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