Rodney STAFFORD arrives in Edmonton

Rodney STAFFORD arrived in Edmonton today - at the end of his long bike tour from Ontario to honour the memory of his daughter, Tori.

The welcome was at the West Edmonton Mall and it was quite impressive. ChildFind Alberta had arranged the event along with Rodney's sister, Rebecca. Staff from the RCMP and Corrections Canada provided the manpower to run the the "Child ID" fingerprinting kits and a number of very talented kids provided entertainment. There was also a silent auction of many interesting items, including a brand new unused version of the bike Rodney rode on his trip.

Rhonda had the foresight to bring a gift of "balloon art" in the shape of PAAO's entwined hearts logo! And Jimmy's young son, 5-yr old Keegan got up his courage to present it to Rodney (with out letting go as it would have floated up to the roof!). Rodney was obviously very touched by Keegan's gift and thanked him. CTV Edmonton had a clip of Rhonda hugging Rodney after he received the balloon art on evening newscast, and Global Edmonton Newscast - Sat Sep 19, Evening News 6pm.

The Medea Complex and Parental Alienation

I was introduced to this interesting blog by Annabelle. In particular, this long piece entitled "The Medea Complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome: When Mothers Damage Their Daughter’s Ability to Love a Man” caught my attention. (Image to the left is famously beautiful operatic diva, Maria CALLAS who won a certain amount of notoriety for her role in this technically demanding opera by Luigi Cherubini. It a dark but dangerously alluring image that is imprinted in my early childhood as my parents had an LP collection including CALLAS in what was to become her signature role "Medea. It is a powerfully arresting photo.)

In the article Robert M. Gordon states that:

"I will bring together two separate issues: the Medea complex and the Parental Alienation Syndrome. To my knowledge, I have not seen these two concepts brought together. I believe that the Medea Complex in divorcing mothers is a frequent cause of Parental Alienation Syndrome."

Rodney STAFFORD - Kids for Kilometers

Rodney STAFFORD is getting closer to Alberta - still on target for arrival in Edmonton Sept 18. He had gotten loads of support over his trek which is good to see.

BraveHeartWomen.com - Conscious Co-Parenting

Conscious TV - Today's Show Conscious Co-Parenting @ Yahoo! Video

Very positive show from the US with (stunningly beautiful women - only in LA!) Guest Dorcy Russell, the founder of the "Conscious Co-Parenting Institute". I enjoyed it and hope you do too.

Kilometers for Kids arrives Sept 2 in Edmonton

I have recently found out that Rodney STAFFORD - father of Tori STAFFORD who was abducted/murdered in April/May - will be undertaking a 3,200km Bike Tour from Woodstock ON (where they lived) to Edmonton AB (where his sister lives) in his daughter memory. He departs on August 2 and expects to arrive in Edmonton September 2. Once here he will travel with his family to Jasper and release a purple balloon for Tori who had enjoyed her trip to the mountain park last summer on a visit to her aunts, before her life was so cruelly taken.

Obviously Rodney STAFFORD, Tori, her brother and her mom Tara McDonald were like many separated families trying to deal with the aftermath of a breakup and in new relationships etc. and were trying to juggle all of the complex interactions. I recall reading that in the months before the end, Tori had written her dad a letter asking him to stay in her life as I suppose they must have had some difficulties. Very human and understandable.

I have been in touch with Mr. STAFFORD via email and am asking for everyone's help. It can be anything - cash donations, support vehicles, accommodation enroute (not clear right now, will be decided soon) riders to accompany the team throughout Alberta, Welcome Groups/PR or Promotion in various towns - anything, really. In addition we want to have a BIG WELCOME on his Arrival Sep 2 - TBA!

If you have something to contribute or and idea, let me know at albertapaao@gmail.com or call 406-565-4594 and leave message so I can get back to you.

Gender bias evident in parental alienation cases

I apolgize for not including this earlier - my excuse is I do not get the Globe & Mail. Thanks to Mike for bringing it to my attention.

As to prevalence by gender, I don't think this "study" proves anything except what popular opinion already reflects, but it is pretty clear that this is not a "representative" sample (among the potential methodological weaknesses I could foresee). Dr. Amy BAKER in her book Breaking the ties that Bind contends that she sees the breakdown as 50/50 - but admits that is not a rigourous evaluation either. It is only based on feedback from her website. In any event, I'm not sure it matters unlss one wants to claim male or female "superority or victimhood". Given the greater numbers of women gaining sole custody, it seems more likely they can exercise PA more often than men. It is also very likely that the cost of fighting a PA Battle discourages many men and women of even thinking of going through the courts, so they would not show up.

I recall Shelly JONES saying that "PA is equal-opportunity child abuse because bad behaviour knows no gender."

Gender bias evident in parental alienation cases

Mothers are more likely to be the parent behind children's estrangement, yet fathers more often ordered into counselling, study finds. KIRK MAKIN March 28, 2009

JUSTICE REPORTER -- A study of alienated children has found that mothers were significantly more likely to be the parent who emotionally poisoned their children than were fathers.

Toronto family lawyer Gene Colman told a Toronto symposium yesterday that of 74 court rulings that found parental alienation since 1987, the mother was the alienator in 50 cases. The father was the alienating parent in 24.

"I'm not trying to dump on moms," Mr. Colman told about 150 psychologists, family lawyers, mediators and activist parents. "I'm just saying, that is what the data reveal."

In parental alienation syndrome, an estranged parent systematically brainwashes a child into hating the other parent. The profile of the syndrome escalated over the past year, after three Ontario judges ordered that children be removed from an alienating parent and taken to U.S. clinics for deprogramming therapy.

Mr. Colman said that alienating fathers were twice as likely to be ordered to undergo counselling as were mothers in alienation cases - a finding that raises serious questions about whether judges are exhibiting gender biases. Twelve of the 50 alienating mothers in his study were ordered into counselling, as compared with 13 of 24 fathers. "As social scientists will tell you, that is a high level of statistical significance in terms of differential treatment by gender," Mr. Colman said. "As lawyers and judges, we have to be vigilant to make sure that we ... are not influenced by whether the mom is the alienator or the dad is the alienator.

There should be no differential in how either gender is dealt with." The other findings in Mr. Colman's study included: The number of parental alienation cases has shot up from 21 between1987 and 2000 to 53 between 2000 and 2008. Fathers who had their alienated children switched from their homes were granted some form of access by the courts in a "much lower" percentage of cases than were mothers. Fathers who alienate their children are somewhat more likely to have their children removed from their residence and relocated with the mother. Mr. Colman said that of cases where the father was the alienator, children were ordered to switch to the mother's residence in 78 per cent of cases. In contrast, 62 per cent of the mothers who alienated their children had them switched to the father's home. "It would seem that if you are the dad, you have a greater probability of having the residence changed on you," said Mr. Colman, founding editor of the Canadian Journal of Family Law and founding member of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council.

TV Ontario PA Disscussion Panel - Jun 12

An excellent and diverse cross-section panel with Harvey BROWNSTONE - Ontario Family Court Judge, Jeff WILSON - Family Lawyer, Barb FIDLER - Practicing Psychologist/Child Therapist and Amy BAKER - Professional Researcher. Host Steve PAIKIN slalomed through the various questions and guests keeping to topics moving quickly ahead for 37 minutes.

Snippets I found interesting:

• PA does not include "Realistic Estrangement" - in other words a legitimate reason why a child may not want to be with a parent. The obvious being real physical or sexual abuse (and not just as suggested by the AP or Alienating Parent - it must be objectively proved.)

• BAKER suggested over 20 "tactics" used by an AP to distance a child from the RP (Rejected Parent) - these were also called PA "Exploits" by FIDLER.

• BAKER believes that PA of mother/father is 50/50 and that it does NOT only occur in divorce/separation but intact families as well.

• BROWNSTONE mentioned the difficulty that Judges face in verifying the supposed PA has taken place and suggested that he often finds the parent making the bulk of accusations at fault! Also, he suggests that many parents self-represented.

• WILSON suggested that PA has become much more prevalent in the last 10 years and has raised the level of animosity in court.

• BROWNSTONE said the old approach in "High-Conflict" Divorce cases (how they used to refer to PA) was to remove all contact with the "offending" parent - the one who was accused of creating conflict! That is no longer considered the best strategy and may in fact be dangerous.

• BAKER said it was a Myth that the older the child, the less likely they were susceptible to PA. In fact she suggested the opposite. As these kids become more savvy about the court system, they "step up their campaign". Age has nothing to do with it. If 20 yr olds can become cult members, there is nothing to suggest those younger can't become Alienators of a former parent. Her research indicated that many times, kids "want their bluff to be called by someone" - parents, extended family, courts or lawyers.

• FIDLER was asked about "deprogramming". How is it done and if it is effective. She said the sooner the intervention the better and it can be very effective in mild cases, where parents are not truly aware of the negative consequences of their behaviours. They teach the parents and children. For the kids it involved "critical thinking" skills, how to consider the good/bad of arguments/positions, reintegration exercises with their alienated kids, video's etc. Often the kids do well in closed sessions away from the AP, but can be seen getting visibly distressed/anxious as they are going to be picked-up by the AP.

• Whereas FIDLER explained the results for "extreme/severe" cases as "not so good", BAKER disagreed and explained Dr. Richard WARSHUK's "re-education" program as 3-4 days where kids are removed from the AP and spend greater amounts of time reconnecting with the RP, exclusive of the AP. Out of 24 "rescue" cases, 17 were sustainable "successes" in reconnecting child and AP.

• BAKER suggests that her preferred approach is to counsel ALL children about how to handle these "loyalty conflicts" and mentioned her recent book. (Ed. This seems impractical.) She suggests to empower children with the skills to recognize these problems and tell both their parents that they don't want to be placed in these positions where "they have to choose".

• WILSON (who represented a mother in a recent high profile case, where her 18yr old son went to court to prevent his two tween brothers being forced into a "deprogramming" camp under Dr. WARSHUK in order to reconnect with his father) reiterated that he believes "it is better to have a meaningful relationship with BOTH parents rather than only one", parental conflict harms kids, where parental dysfunction is severe removal of a child by CAS maybe necessary, every 6mths 1 child is removed from both parents and placed in a "benign environment" - supportive relatives or foster care.

• BROWNSTONE was asked about Nick BALA's PAS study and said that such cases are increasing and they take up a significant amount of court resources (he in fact feels that too many trivial complaints are being brought to court - holidays, TV shows, homework, bedtimes etc.) When he began, he said he tried very hard to enforce fathers rights but that this approach backfired because the mothers would come back even harder and ended up turning the children against the father! (Ed. This really made me question Brownstone) But, he said that he strongly enforces "contempt of court" against parents who breech his court orders, especially those who alienate their kids. Finally BROWSTONE admitted that dispite feeling too involved in many PA/High Conflict cases that come before him he has not the time to determine if they have EVER been successfully resolved.
  

When kids get caught in the middle

Here is an interview with a parent who has been alienated from his daughter. I would like to encourage everyone to send the reporter Melanie THOMPSON an email of recognition.


Children of divorce are often forced to choose between mom and dad
By Melanie Thompson, EXAMINER STAFF - June 24, 2009

(EDITOR’S NOTE: The names in this story have been changed in order to protect “Jenny.”)

Ben no longer sees his daughter. He has lost all contact. A separation from his spouse forced their daughter to choose one parent over the other.

Jenny chose her mother.

Ben always had a normal father-daughter relationship with Jenny. After the separation, Jenny remained with her mother but Ben maintained a regular bi-weekly visitation schedule as agreed to by himself and his ex-spouse.

Things were going well. But soon he began to notice changes in Jenny.

HASN’T GIVEN UP HOPE

Now, seven years after the separation, she doesn’t want him near. She doesn’t want to go to his home for visits. She doesn’t want his birthday gifts.

Ben has almost given up all hope for a relationship with his daughter.

Jenny is caught in the middle of a case of parental alienation, which commonly occurs among divorced families.

This condition is described by the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) as a group of verbal and non-verbal behaviours by one or both parents that are damaging to children’s mental and emotional well being. Children are manipulated or brainwashed into choosing one parent over the other.

Often, one or both parents will badmouth the other, refuse visitation, and lie, among other aggressive behaviours, which alienates the children and forces them into an unhealthy position of having to choose.

Ben says that is exactly what happened between himself, his ex-spouse and child.

“Her mother re-wrote her history,” Ben says. “Our daughter thinks that I just came into her life in Grade 2, although I’ve been in her life since the day she was born.”

The separation occurred when Jenny was eight years old. Ben and his daughter were closer than ever. But Ben says the bi-weekly visitations began to fall apart when his ex-spouse began to alienate Jenny from him by refusing to allow his visitations.

Lawyers and the court system became involved. A custody battle ensued.

A child psychiatrist was hired to assess Jenny when claims were made by his ex-spouse that Jenny was traumatized and afraid of Ben.

Ben remembered a suggestion his lawyer had made to take videos and photos of his time spent with his daughter to prove they do indeed have a normal relationship.

“I put a video camera up on a shelf at my mother’s…,” Ben says. “It was directed at the couch, and on the video camera it shows Jenny (and I). We come in the door, and she’s laughing and giggling and chasing me with a water pistol. It shows us watching a movie.”

Ben provided this video as evidence. The judge ruled in his favour and ordered that his ex-spouse receive counselling.

Ben says she did not follow the court order, and things have gotten worse since his case was passed on to a new judge.

“I thought, with court orders, people are going to be held accountable for their actions,” says a clearly-frustrated Ben. “But when it came to that, (the judge) just said to her lawyer, ‘Your client simply refused to go.'’ He didn't do anything.”

“I thought all judges were trained in this. That doesn’t appear to be the case.”

ANOTHER CHANCE

Ben hasn’t seen his daughter for almost a year and is awaiting another chance in court to fight for his right to see her.

“They say wait, your child will figure it out when they grow up. But what about all the time in between? All that time is lost.”

Most people aren’t aware of parental alienation until they experience it first-hand. But Ben hopes that by telling his story, more people will recognize parental alienation as a form of child abuse, and maybe other parents won’t have to fight so hard to simply be with their children.

For more information about parental alienation, visit http://www.paawareness.org.

mthompson@edmontonexaminer.com

Suggested Reading List - Collection of PA Titles

I prepared this reading list some time ago, but re-post this link (it is a pdf) for those who wish to share it as a resource.

In case you wish to SUGGEST other titles please click here for an data-entry form. (You will be prompted for Author, Title, ISBN (useful for Chapters/Amazon search), Publisher, year,#pages and Category - among other useful references).

June 16 - MP Velacott introduces PMB C-422

Mr. Speaker, I am honoured to be introducing a Private Member’s Bill today which would direct courts in regard to divorce, to make equal shared parenting the presumptive arrangement in the best interests of the child, except in proven cases of abuse or neglect.

Over 10 years ago, a Joint House-Senate committee presented to Parliament a report entitled “For the Sake of the Children.” That report urged Parliament to amend the Divorce Act to make equal shared parenting the normative determination by courts dealing with situations of divorce involving children.

This non-partisan recommendation from that Joint House-Senate was based on compelling research made available to the committee members. Over the past ten years, the best research has continued to demonstrate the far superior outcomes for children, in general, when both parents – mom AND dad – are actively involved in their children's lives, even if the parents divorce or separate.Polling from the past two years demonstrates overwhelming support from Canadians for equal shared parenting.

There is, in fact, slightly more support among women than men for equal parenting. This strong support from almost 80% of Canadians exists across the country, with the strongest regional support coming from Quebec and Atlantic Canada.

Canadians claiming to be Liberal and Bloc supporters, expressed the strongest endorsement for equal shared parenting, at 80.6% among Liberals and 82.9% among Bloc Quebecois supporters. A variety of countries, such as Belgium, Denmark, Norway, Australia, and various U.S. states, have implemented equal parenting, joint custody or shared parenting presumptive legislation, which has resulted in lowered court costs, less conflict and improved social outcomes for the children of divorce.

This bill is one of the most a-political, non-partisan pieces of legislation introduced in this current Parliament. I look forward to strong support for this important piece of legislation from all Members of Parliament who are committed to the best interests of our Canadian children.

Media Release:

Maurice Vellacott, MP
Saskatoon-Wanuskewin

Media Advisory

Equal Shared Parenting Private Member’s Bill Introduced

Date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009; 1 pm

From: Maurice Vellacott, MP (Saskatoon-Wanuskewin)

To: Media

Re. Press conference to announce Equal Shared Parenting Private Member’s Bill

Where: Charles Lynch Press Conference Room 130-S

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff has written, “These groups demanded that the ‘custody and access’ regime created by the Divorce Act of 1985 be replaced with a ‘shared parent’ regime in which both parents are given equal rights to bring up their children. These are sensible and overdue suggestions, and the fact they are being made shows that men and women are struggling to correct the rights revolution, so that equality works for everyone.”

MP Maurice Vellacott (Saskatoon-Wanuskewin) will be speaking on the introduction Tuesday of Private Member’s Bill C-422, which would direct courts in regard to divorce, to make equal shared parenting the presumptive arrangement in the best interests of the child, except in proven cases of abuse or neglect.

Vellacott will be joined by Quebec MP Stephen Blaney, Liberal MP Raymonde Folco, John Menear, Barrister & Solicitor and Founding Member of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council and by Kristin Titus, Co-President of the Canadian Equal Parenting Council.

Polling from the past two years demonstrates overwhelming support from Canadians for equal shared parenting. There is slightly more support among women than men for equal parenting. This strong support from almost 80% of Canadians exists across the country, with the strongest regional support coming from Quebec and Atlantic Canada. Canadians claiming to be Liberal and Bloc supporters, expressed the strongest endorsement for equal shared parenting, at 80.6% among Liberals and 82.9% among Bloc Quebecois supporters.

Countries, such as Denmark, Belgium and Norway, as well as some U.S. states, have implemented equal parenting, joint custody or shared parenting presumptive legislation, resulting in lower court costs, less conflict and improved social outcomes for the children of divorce.

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For further comment, call (613) 992-1966 or (613) 297-2249

Maurice Vellacott, MP
Saskatoon-Wanuskewin

Avis aux médias

Dépôt d’un projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire
sur le partage égal du rôle parental

Date : Mercredi, 17 juin 2009, 13 h

De : Maurice Vellacott, député de Saskatoon-Wanuskewin

À : Médias

Objet : Conférence de presse pour annoncer le projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire
sur le partage égal du rôle parental

Endroit : Salle de conférence de presse Charles Lynch (130-S)

Le chef libéral Michael Ignatieff a écrit que : « Ces groupes ont demandé que le régime des droits de garde et de visite créé par la Loi sur le divorce en 1985 soit remplacé par un régime de partage du rôle parental dans le cadre duquel les deux parents ont tout autant le droit d’élever leurs enfants. Il s’agit de suggestions judicieuses dont la mise en œuvre a trop tardé; leur formulation témoigne de ce que les hommes et les femmes luttent pour corriger la révolution des droits et faire en sorte d’obtenir l’égalité pour tous. »

Maurice Vellacott, député de Saskatoon-Wanuskewin, prendra la parole mardi lors du dépôt du projet de loi d’initiative parlementaire C‑422, qui exigera que les tribunaux, dans les causes de divorce, appliquent systématiquement le principe de partage égal du rôle parental dans l’intérêt de l’enfant, sauf dans les cas avérés de mauvais traitements et de négligence.

À M. Vellacott s’ajouteront le député de Québec Stephen Blaney, la député de Libéral Raymonde Folco, John Menear, avocat et membre fondateur du Conseil canadien pour le rôle parental égal, et Kristin Titus, co-présidente du Conseil canadien pour le rôle parental égal.

Les sondages des deux dernières années confirment que la population canadienne appuie massivement l’égalité du rôle parental, l’appui étant légèrement plus élevé chez les femmes que chez les hommes. Près de 80 % des Canadiens d’un bout à l’autre du pays soutiennent l’idée, l’appui le plus vif se manifestant au Québec et dans les provinces de l’Atlantique. Les plus fervents partisans se réclament du Parti libéral et du Bloc québécois, soit 80,6 % chez les partisans libéraux et 82,9 % chez les partisans bloquistes.

Des pays comme le Danemark, la Belgique et la Norvège, ainsi que certains États des États-Unis, ont mis en œuvre des dispositions législatives privilégiant le rôle parental égal, la garde partagée ou le partage du rôle parental, ce qui a permis de diminuer les frais judiciaires, de réduire les conflits et d’améliorer le sort des enfants du divorce sur le plan social.

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Information : (613) 992-1966 ou (613) 297-2249